Doubt

I’m still in shock that I’m in Australia right now like I feel like it’s a dream 

Fun fact of the week:

I pet a kangaroo it was pretty awesome, if you’re ever given the opportunity to pet a kangaroo I highly recommend 

So this week has been awesome I’ve made some new friends and I’m building life long relationships with some amazing people! I’m so beyond blessed and grateful for everything Gods doing in my life, but I’d be lying to you if I didn’t have some doubts this week. I was going to class and we were learning about hearing Gods voice, and the speaker was great and I was taking notes and I was like yes this is so good, preach and I was hooked and I’m like yes I’m gonna hear Gods voice this week but I’ve never felt like I’ve actually heard God, usually i feel like I’m trying to and it’s just my own thoughts. Anyway, we had the opportunity to ask God to speak to us for the person next to us and I was like right on let’s go, and I prayed and I asked god to tell me what he wanted me to tell Anna what he wanted her to know, and I waited, and waited, and I tried so hard to kind of make my mind go blank but I could tell I was trying to have this profound thought and I was like okay like psalms what’s a good verse in there give me a number God, but nothing. And then right before we were supposed to share I just started thinking about trees and I’m like seriously God nothing just trees and psalms. So I said to anna, sorry but unless trees or psalms mean anything to you I’ve got nothing and those were probably just my own thoughts. And she was like no like I don’t think so. And I was very disappointed.

So all day I’m mad at God, like not mad mad but like frustrated and like confused because other groups were crying with eachother or having this audible voices and sharing and I got trees from my own mind so all day I’m frustrated right. 

Thoughts going through my mind included but not limited to: 

Maybe it was a mistake coming here 

I’m not good enough to hear from God 

God doesn’t want to use me 

I should go home 

Why doesn’t God want to talk to me? 

And I was just like come on God give me something like I don’t belong here everyone else is hearing from you except me. 

I was thinking all of these things kind of zoned out during our worship service and I looked at the screen and the lyrics read “you are welcome here”  and I cried I was like yes God that’s something and as I was sitting talking to my parents on the phone, I got a message from Anna that said read psalm 1:3 which says 

“That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.”

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And I was like OH MY GOODNESS, God you actually did speak to me and I was shocked and it was wild and I was excited and yeah that was my lesson this week. 

God is so Good and I’m learning that in new ways. 

More to come 

-Quinn